I. Around April I gave up eating rice for a month. Not because I wanted to lose weight, but I realized that rice was my catalyst to over-eating - "Just one plate of nasi + sambal belacan + ikan masin + ulam? NEVAHH. Bring on the other 2." That sort of thing. As a result I think I've lost at least an inch around my thighs and can fit into some old pants (yeslah). I feel lighter, eating better. Have already gone back to eating rice but only before 2pm and most days I still don't eat rice. Feels like breaking up with a lover, it does. Which brings me to
II. Fauzan and I have parted ways. I loved him more than life, but the intensity of it was too overwhelming. I wish him well.
II-I. Parents still don't know yet. My ma has just gotten used to the idea of him (ie saying his name without making a face). Cik Idah knows; she's the only adult within a million mile radius I would confide in about something like this. But nobody else in the family knows yet, and I'm keeping it that way for a while.
III. Internship is supposed to start soon. Decided to take July off to breathe, so am going to be working in August & September. Narrowed it down to three choices: *scape in Singapore, malaysiakini or iseekmusic. I really hope I get to work in Singapore; other than having to put my music classes on hold, it would be a very very welcome change of pace. Parents have agreed, Hougang Ave 5 has agreed. malaysiakini would be awesome too, and interning at iseekmusic is probably the best plan C I could have ever come up with.
III-I. At first dad agreed, thinking I was aiming to work in a commercial / corporate company. To which I replied Whatever gave you that idea?' and he goes into a litany of how I should be interning at the kind of place where I will be working at later, yadayadayada. To which I then replied 'Well, yes, that's why I want to intern at a youth council.' What upsets me about all of this is that they don't respect what I want out of life and refuse to listen when I want to talk with them about important things like this. But that's another story altogether.
IV. Dizzy & The are recording! This makes me a very happy camper :) Our adventures in the studio, among others, are documented here. Li is possibly the cutest recording virgin ever. Adek has been keeping us company (but of course). And Mokhtar is just seventeen kinds of awesome to be patient enough to put up with our shenanigans and we are grateful.
IV-I. Saying that ma is not handling me coming back late a lot very well would be a massive understatement. I could go on and on and bitch but I do know where she's coming from. I just wish she would see where I'm coming from too.
IV-I-I. Evil and I are speaking again, though I don't know how long it will last. He's actually on my side about this whole non-issue. Abang's no use at times like these. He got out of the frying pan years ago and is not about to jump into the fire. I don't blame him.
V. I've been thinking about future plans, even more than I usually do (if that's possible). Dad planted the idea of me studying for my Master's in a Spanish-speaking country and of course I made a beeline for them Argentine universities. The most promising so far is Master's in Social Work at National University of La Plata (program outline here). I would really like to find a happy medium between my communication studies, my musical life and my dream to work with social and community programs. Right now I only have time and brainspace to concentrate effectively with 2 out of 3. I foresee that once I finish school I can commit myself to something more concrete in the realm of social work. Am going to spend the next month finding out what existing programs are in place by authorities and NGOs and how they are run.
Of course, I also want to spend a summer in Berklee, learn shoemaking and carpentry and printmaking, be a certified wildlife rehabilitator, start my own vegetable garden, enrol in pilot lessons, finally earn my DipABRSM and go on to FRSM, etc. Nobody is immortal, yes, but it's nice to plan your life as if you were.
VI. Friends.
VI-I. I miss my old friends. Some of them are back for holidays, some back for good. I don't spend as much time with them as I'd like, but when I do, it feels like everything and nothing has changed. A recurring theme in my life these days, but beside the point. It's disconcerting, and I can't find it in me to reconcile then and now. Growing up, it sucks.
VI-II. I adore my new friends. These past few years have been an explosion of new friends, new places to confide and to find comfort in. There really is no way I could have gone through the years and come out relatively unscathed and smiling if it weren't for them, and for that I am thankful.
VII. I wanted to write at length about something. About someone. But those who I want to know about it already know more than they need to. So I'll just enigmatically (and frustratingly) leave it at this.
